I wrote this on Thursday 30 November but for some reason WordPress on my phone won’t publish anything.
I thought I might be OK today as we said our final goodbye and I placed Mum’s ashes with Dad’s but the finality of this ritual raised such emotion within me that I broke down and tears flooded from my eyes. Whether it was a release of weeks of built up feelings or just the realisation that this moment was the end, the final end, I just don’t know. However, the pain and heartache was so great I just could not help myself. I just could not watch while they covered her ashes. I had to walk away, tears streaming from me, trying to suppress them until I got home. It was not easy and I know these feelings will catch me out in days to come. The smallest of things will trigger the greatest upwelling of emotions but that’s all part of the grieving process.
Life will get easier I know. For the moment it hurts like hell.